Secrets Of The Universe

1. Wear sunscreen.
2. Don't TRY to run over squirrels; even if they're already dead.
3. It really ain't about you, you're doin' all this for everyone else's entertainment.
4. Life's not a bitch! Life is a beautiful woman.  You only call her a bitch because she won't let you get that pussy.
5. Kharma's the whore that'll suck you off, then stick a knife in your kidney as your cumming. So do yourself a favor and donate to a charity and be nice to your kids because one day you'll be depending on them.
6. You're not gonna die of global warming, or swine flu or from aliens attacking; because you'll have stroked out at 40 from eating all the McDonald's and irradiated overgrown vegetables.
7. Learn how to swim
8. Keep a journal. Strangers and lovers tend to remember the bad things that happened more often then the good things.
9. Wear suncreen.
10. Never, never, never forget: this is all just one big joke. And know this, that my dying breath will be laughter thinking back on all this bullshit.